What do I write about when I don’t want to write?
When all I want to do is to skip this one night?
To check out and not post anything, same as every night previous for my whole life?
I do not know.
But I DO know that if I skip one night,
at this point,
I will probably skip another,
and then I will take that gold I begged and put it back in the bank and let it collect interest until my Master comes back.
I think I would like to have something better to say than,
“Here’s your gold and your interest,”
when that day comes.
I’d like to at least have it doubled.
I’m not sure how to do that when I feel like I’m about to fall over,
but I know that
day by day,
is part of it. Perhaps all of it.
Waiting. Abiding. Believing.
Patience is a very hard thing.
Sitting still and longing for the beloved to come.
Active patience is perhaps harder.
Putting one foot in front of the other while surrounded by fog, not quite sure where any step beyond maybe the immediate one is going to come down.
I think its called perseverance.
Once it goes on long enough, that is.
Each night, each post, each pondering another step.
Another thought and meditation, shared.
Perhaps an investment that will someday bear… something. I hope.
I long for brighter days,
I beg for them now,
but I suspect that the answer is still,
Oh Lord, how long will I walk in this darkened valley,
with the Shadow of Death breathing down my neck?
“As long as you need to.”
“Until you know I’m with you even here.”
I believe that is the answer.
If I can remember that, then I can take that step,
Knowing that He will catch me if I start to stumble and fall.
Take that step,
Lay in that investment,
Write those words I don’t want to write.